Tag Archives: desire

LOOKING FOR YOU

Source: online, unknown

Dearest,

Some would fight for love. I don’t have that as-noble-as-is-shameful aspiration. I am writing to find you. When I used to watch you write, I never quite understood it when you told me it calmed you. Well, maybe because I could not imagine you ruffled in the first instance. You said writing helped you collect your thoughts.

I don’t collect, neither am I quite collected.

I am writing to find you.

Where are you since you have been gone? Where do people like you go? Into the arms of someone else? Who can satisfy the appetites of people like you? Can even someone like you do that? I know I pushed you away. And I know the hurt in itself could drive you into the arms of another in a fit of rebound, yes? Or, are you beyond frailties? I like to think what we shared could mean so much to you to have affected you that way. Apparently, I am not beyond selfishness. Or, maybe that is the way the experience some call love ought to be. That what partly made it special was knowing that I was responsible for you and you vulnerable to me. How sick is that?

Is there any point to this? Why should I want you back? What is to stop this cycle from repeating itself again? People argue breakup-makeup cycles are bad. Others say one could learn from past mistakes and redo things better. What if the explanation is simpler than that? That we are meant to be, and part of what happens is we grow from knowing that we are bound to end up with each other again –the sense of the inevitability. That generally should make sense to you. It should comfort you that: the fact we keep ending up back together should mean that we are meant to be –the sense of predestination, certainty and rightness of decision. The proof that a force beyond natural must want us to be together.

Or, have we become an old love? The kind that just gives off smokes like a locomotive, which can never aspire to be a spaceship giving off fire. You know such crafts are not practicable on this earth’s ground where we live, right? Why not enjoy the familiarity that we have. Why not gain from growing into each other. Or, does that make us like poles which repel?

People argue a little drama now and then is good. Does breaking up sound little to you? Should one deliberately start a drama not knowing if it had the capacity to escalate into a break? How does one perfectly control the situation? Would someone in love be so calculating and manipulative of love itself no less?

I know we are generally a complicated lot as humans. We criticise some for making issues complicated. Yet we somehow deep inside enjoy complications in life. We say it makes us feel alive.

But, please, believe me when I say I want to find you. It’s not about finding love as an experience. I want you. And this desire is without complication or another shade of meaning. It is as plain as my thoughts, as my words.

It is as wonderfully calm as I feel when writing. When writing this.

Don’t make me wait forever. The waiting game does not necessarily breed passion. It can finally kill whatever spark is left.

Please…

I wait to hear from you.

 

Yours,

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Haunting God

With purpose he marched through the gate
God did not enter with a thief’s creeping gait
When he scattered our masters with the sword
When we slaves blissfully slept scattered abroad

He mercilessly spilled their blood
God came on them like a flood
He got himself cut somehow
He won and left anyhow

We stretched and yawned
As a bloody morning dawned
Like expected God’s blood spooked
Like a pheromone it got us hooked

We ran around incoherently
Searching for God fervently
God that caught our attention
God that left our habitation

We left our place unguarded
We leapt into the forest unguided
We were brash and savage
We were passionate beyond gauge

Why did God kill our old masters
When will we have answers
Why is God deliberately taunting
Why are we homelessly haunting

God paid us a bloody visit
God left us with a deficit
He then got us stuck on him
He then had us seeking him

Scouring river after rock
Whilst wild animals did gawk
We were hounds of blood
We were madly trailing God’s blood

We have no past now
We have forgotten home now
We don’t remember how it ensued
We don’t know why we continued

We don’t know how it ends
As we negotiate the bends
Haunting God
Hunting God

Then came the night
God was not yet in sight
As we howled like cannibals
As we dined on some animals

The day came again
God we were yet to gain
As we got guns cocked and gears locked
As those same stupid animals still gawked

We are no more mere flesh and blood
In this trail of God’s blood
Our perspectives have changed
Our old selves deranged

God invaded our living situation
Causing shift and annihilation
Now we are fixated on him
Now we are hounding him

What will happen if we don’t find him
What will happen if we find him
We mindlessly haunt God on
We tirelessly hunt God on

Haa!!! See there a fresh drop of blood…