I was born a baby many years ago. I laid my way through neonatal period, sat my way through early infancy, crawled my way through late infancy; and when I started to stand and walk through toddlerhood, I thought I had learnt all the basics. How awfully wrong I was. My learning begun the first day I was birthed. In the midt of the blissful innocence of childhood, I had my share of pains and deceptions. In the midst of the carefree adolescence, I suffered from my careless mistakes. I carried over scars and misconceptions and warped ways of thinking into my youth which was supposed to my peak of productivity. In the midst of the blessedness of marriage and parenthood, I made my children, and indirectly myself, suffer for my faults. Now, I have grown old and this period of rest from all life’s labours is riddled with regret and loneliness. My partner has moved on. And I know that when the end of all comes, when I am suppposed to cease from this existence, my inadequacies in this life will have to be accounted for.
I wish I could really have some truth, light, peace and grace in the midst of all these falsehood, darkness, slavery and flaws.
I have been harshly stretched every stretch of this long stretch of life’s road.
Yet there was always that One person that stood on the other side with all I ever needed. But I just preferred to stretch out myself with the pain.
It always hard to believe that sm1 is always there with all that we need…its always to good to be true…we wud rather face our own reality that we are alone wt our pain so we chose to just stretch out ourselves
Call it the self-destruct instinct. We are happier when we feel the hurt. Sometimes, we just like looking pitiful (like masochism). Sometimes, we feel we NEED the hurts to feel alive. Sometimes, we want to appear as “survivors” and “tough-breeds”. Sometimes, we don’t want to owe our achievements to anyone but ourselves. I wonder what many more reasons we’d rather suffer for, than accept an easy offer of rest.
Oh! Nothing good comes easy right?! Sad!