Quietly I sat
Weighed down with the long day behind me.
Meanwhile, the day itself bore no grudges;
It has moved on.
But my mind is still stuck on replay.
Sadly, I am not getting any positive pulses from this experience.
Then, whilst at computer
Poking my eyes with the e-Sword,
I heard Him faintly;
I was encouraged.
I then stuck the sword down my throat,
I felt some passion.
Finally, throwing caution to the flames,
I dived deeper into the sword,
And I feel the lead within my chest fade.
As though strong winds eroded it.
As I felt lighter,
I find me letting go to Him.
Why should I hold back anyway?
Am I cursed with that perpetual desire,
That makes man want to punish himself
-A sort of mock-penitence?
That mindset that nothing good comes easy?
Gratefully, I found me letting go…
But, by now, I know too well
That it’s never up to me to find this utopia
I don’t have it in me to be skilled at letting go.
So, I do it the only way I have been taught:
Walking out on this wide platform.
It’s close to an egde.
But, that’s where this liberty peaks.
That’s where I can’t fall away,
Because His realm stretches out far under me.
And He is the one who reaches out to me;
Not I to Him!
Cry of relief.
Tonight is not the night
When I run back into my shadows;
When I resort to self-mutilation and guilt-tripping;
When I give in to the ambient noises,
That madness peacefully resident in me.
Tonight, I’m falling…
Tonight, I’m flying…
Tonight, I’m living…
In His realm wider than the edge.